cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
