um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
