the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
