We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
