Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i think we sleep fucked last night...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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