yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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