Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
