Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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