I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
