I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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