R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
