Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
