im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
