Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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