just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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