mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
