There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize