pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
