I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You made out with two different species that night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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