do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
do herpes really smell.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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