Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
