you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
