tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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