so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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