just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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