She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
