She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize