Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
