I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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