no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
is it fun? or sober?
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