I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the raccoons are back...
Randomize