If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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