And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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