i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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