how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
