I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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