Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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