the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
