that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
