So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
