where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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