you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
