I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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