How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
