Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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