trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
