Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
