I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
