paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
