this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize