Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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