break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Nicole vs. Life
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
