dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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