eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize