In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
not ubering you a puppy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
