i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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