So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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