so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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