Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize