By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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