Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
