my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
