Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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