I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize