google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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