I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
