Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
