Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
