Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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