so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
