I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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