I'm drive I can fine osifer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize