he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
