my vag is so smooth its legendary
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
