I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
