I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize