Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
